I forgot to bring my phone into work today. It’s OK, I still have internet, but what on Earth are you meant to do when you’re on the toilet? I was considering taking my iPad into the cubicle, but that is a bit like taking an Xbox to Church.
1 month ago • 0 notesThe freshosity of soup can be expressed thus:
f = t < 30
Therefore, if you are willing to accept this as an explaination for anything you are probably someone who aspires to publish lists.
Here is the freshosity list:
1) fridge
2) clean knife
3) relative speed of chopping
Likewise, you may well have a penchant for a Moleskine, for which I have provided a handy link. Make sure you jot that list down as soon as your Moleskine arrives, you have to dissipate its freshosity somehow or another. Did you know that academics have proven that 89% of lists penned in Moleskines around the world are: fanciful, irrelevant to everyday life, bunkum, and largely borne out of an immediate need to look thoughtful and intelligent whilst considering the view from a train carriage window?
Crumpets were invented in the 1920s when Robert H. Goddard accidentally dropped a sponge into a bowl of plain flour and milk that his wife was stirring in the kitchen. Being distracted by the wireless at the time, neither of the couple noticed the error at first; it was not until later that morning, when they found themselves breakfasting on Crumpets not Pancakes, that they realised their miraculous discovery!
Here is my modern spin on a timeless classic.
Buttered Crumpets - serves one as a rapide quasi-snacketten
Ingredients
1 Crumpet from a packet
1lb Butter
Preparation Method
1. Toast the Crumpet in the Toaster.
2. Spread some butter onto the top of the Crumpet.
3. Wait for the butter to melt into the Crumpet.
4. Go back to number 2 until all the butter has been used.
How we love a critique on lukeandsoup, as much as listening to an actor describing the intricacies of a role he did not create, or an Arts Festival programme describing one medium using the nomenclature of another, how we love it, lovely. Like unexpectedly using French, we like it because it’s exciting and edgy.
So, onward to my first critique. I have to say it has been an internal ordeal and monumental effort to get this project off the ground, but with all the great support I’ve received from friends and family I am sure I could be persuaded to extend this series in the future…
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lukeandart000001
Campbell’s Soup Cans
1962
Andy Warhol
He has done a good likeness here.
As you may remember previously I happened to mention that my formal culinary training was as a Theoretical Pastry Chef at a well known Danish University. Let me expand on those formative years so you can get the cut of my jib.
My first real break came in England once I had been accepted onto a two year Pastry course at Caterham Catering College under the expert tutelage of Professor Peter Rolls. Professor Rolls was an engaging educator and later inspired me to move into the field of Theoretical Pastry. Yes, things have indeed moved on, but back in those days I can assure you I was not afraid of getting elbow deep in a bit of Chantilly.
Now I live in a massive house in the countryside, as the air is far better for pastry making and there is ample room to stretch out and get a good filo going. Plus, cities are unbearable because you are far more likely to be near another person as when compared to the countryside. Plus, I have a 30 seat cinema in my basement. You wouldn’t be able to afford that in the city now would you? Gutted. They are big leather chairs as well.
Theorizing that one could waste time within his own lifetime, Dr. Sam Beckett stepped into the NBC accelerator and vanished.
He awoke to find himself trapped in the past, facing mirror images that were another actor behind a clear sheet of plastic, and driven by viewer polls to change TV ratings for the better.
His only guide on this journey is Al; a sexist from his own time, who appears in the form of an idiot that fortunately only Sam can see and hear.
And so, Dr. Beckett finds himself leaping from presupposition to presupposition, striving to put right what once went wrong, and hoping each time that his next leap, will be the leap when Al isn’t blabbering on about his ex-wives.
Have you read War and Peace? Spoiler Alert: It’s boring.
If you are worried about the impending End of the World, I agree, it is a troubling thought. You actually think about it more than you let on, and it’s only worrisome because you don’t want to be there when it actually happens. Well, like War and Peace, it will be a long, boring, strung out affair. Final yes, swift no.
Soup will be at the end of the world. People will fight for it and soldiers will be tasked to defend it. The Energy Wars will shift from concern to pleasant distraction. If you concern yourself with one vital commodity it is surprisingly easy to forget another, and when you realise you have the priority wrong it’s just easier to keep it as it is.
Mobile, convenient, quick and nutritious will be the thoughts at the back of your mind during the daily scavenge. Gone are the days when you might of found a ration pack hiding under a fallen building or even wedged beneath a dead body.
Back at basecamp it becomes marginally more edible as you combine your spoils with those of your comrades into a single concoction, masking the taste of the more dubious elements. The dubious elements are made secret, but you know that it is one secret not worth knowing.
When approaching the light at the end of the tunnel we all suddenly remember that the calorie is a unit of energy. We all die with smiles on our faces.
I absolutely adore skipping through the quiet twittens of Paris and passing the day relaxing outside a quaint cafe, sipping on an espresso or pressing a Yves Saint Laurent cigarette to my lips, lips that are trembling with the excitement and anticipation of soon receiving the freshest most buttery croissant across their threshold. The natives shrug their shoulders at my French. I don’t understand why, I have a GCSE in French and my friends think it’s so cute when I include it in my Facebook updates.
A classic recipe is not classic unless its ingredients are disputed in some way, and even better if there is some kind of a regional-variation dispute raging between warring traditionalists. Surely then Primordial Soup is near the pinnacle of all classic recipes, just above confit de canard I believe.
Preparation: 1 Day
Cooking Time: 1 Week
Water (H2O)
Methane (CH4)
Ammonia (NH3)
Hydrogen (H2)
Add Iron and Carbonate Minerals to taste.
Directions:
I’m sure we’ve all made the same mistakes in the past but it can’t be reiterated any more: keep your glassware sterile. You don’t want to get all those lovely rich amino acids contaminated before you plate up, and remember to get that electrical spark zapping as energetically as possible.
Have patience, this is a tricky soup to get right. Not only is it theoretical, but if you have a habit of taking cooking advice from Creationists, it’s impossible.
you can relax, there is no meaning here. a respite in the deluge of affectations known to some as projects, to me this post.
1 year ago • 0 notes
